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Another Day In Worthing

Mrs Mills does her weekly shop on Wednesdays
She always gets lost in the aisles at Safeways
The staff know her by name because she buys the same old things
A week's supply of puzzle-books and Superkings

She's served at checkout 9 by a boy called Paul
Who's on a work-placement from a special needs school
She knocks over a conveyor-belt divider and starts to make a scene
Accusing Paul of overcharging for her margarine

Paul freaks out until heís rescued again
By the kind and slightly-dull girl on checkout 10
But pacifying Mrs Mills is always hard
Even with the offer of bonus points on her reward card

She claims sheíll take her custom elsewhere
Even the assistant manager seems not to care
Because sheís back within the hour at checkout 8
And this time itís the tuna and pasta bake
A microwavable tuna and pasta bake!

Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís pointless to ask what it meant
Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís just a meaningless event

Jess runs home from school to avoid the crowd
With her MP3 player turned up loud
But it's hard to run in big chrome boots with spikes and two-inch heels
No one truly knows the pain she feels

Jess ain't like the other kids, because she wears black
Her classmates rip the piss behind her back
Tonight she's got a date with a boy from an internet search
They're meeting in the graveyard of a local church

She's into all the same stuff as him
The Cure, The Crow and pallid skin
She pulls her corset extra tight
And slips out the backdoor into the night

Sheís spotted by boy-racers at the roundabout
They wind down their windows and start to shout
Jess puts her hood up, and carries on
And sings a line from her favourite Slipknot song
A pertinent line a Slipknot song!

Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís probably not worth mentioning at all
Itís just another day in Worthing
Its consequence is negligible

Mr Davenport's highlight of the year
Is the comedy season in the pavilion on the pier
For quite some time heís been eagerly planning
To see Jim Davidson and Bernard Manning

Tonight heís quoting Bernard down the pub
With a group of mates from the Conservative club
Arguing about which players he would have picked
While just outside his car is being nicked

He told the police he saw a suspicious black kid
But when it went to court his statement was retracted
You see Mr Davenport moved here when he retired in í93
Because heíd heard there was an extremely small ethnic minority

Just off the high street it's getting dark
On the third floor of a multistorey carpark
Chaz and Charmaine are waiting, sat on the stairwell
Drinking Lambrini and reapplying their hair gel

Theyíve both got orange faces and bleached hair
Thereís a smell of fake tan lotion in the air
Unflattering tracksuit trousers and oversized earrings
They're slagging off some girl at school who mings

Their boyfriends said theyíd be back at nine oíclock
They just went for a spin around the block
Itís now gone ten and the girls donít know why
Their text messages still get no reply

They assume thereís truth to the rumours theyíve heard
That their boyfriends are out shagging other birds
But really theyíre down the police station sat in a queue
After mowing down an old woman in a stolen BMW

Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís pretty much the same as all the rest
Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís of minor interest at best

Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís an incidental incident
Itís just another day in Worthing
Itís not particularly significant




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