Dear Prime Minister, this letter has been written
On behalf of the Silent Majority of Britain
We'd like to let you know that we're behind you all the way
And you really shouldn't worry what the others have to say

If you find yourself in trouble with a military campaign
All you have to do is say you did it in our name
And although you never see us and you never hear us cheer
That's no reason to believe that we're not really here

Don't listen to the press
Or the UN congress
Disregard anyone likely to disagree
Take no heed of union leaders
Or those whining Guardian readers
Just listen to the Silent Majority

Don't go near the proles
And refuse to hear the polls
Unless they can be interpreted favourably
Don't stoop to pressure groups
Or the disillusioned troops
Just listen to the Silent Majority

To be honest we don't care too much, we're content the way things are
All we ask for is a TV, a job in a call centre and a car
In fact you could scrap the whole democratic administration
As long as we still get to evict celebrities from contrived incarceration

Don't pay attention to Red Ken
Don't even mention Tony Benn
Change the channel when Paxman's on TV
Spare no thought for Claire Short
Or the European Court
Just listen to the Silent Majority

Don't listen to the opposition
Or indeed any politician
Even prominent members of your own party
Ignore the parliamentary memos
And the million-strong demos
Just listen to the Silent Majority

Those who speak their mind and whose views aren't in accord
Are therefore subversives and deserve to be ignored
Please give the police more powers since these people can be violent
The only right we really need is the right to remain silent

Yours sincerely,
The Silent Majority