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Games Workshop Stole My Childhood

I bought my first Citadel miniature at the tender age of ten
My life, from that point on, was never quite the same again
I set off on a quest every Saturday, to the local Games Workshop store
Where I was seized by a strange disease, as soon as I stepped through the door

A feverish and inexplicable compulsion to buy
As many little lead models as I possibly could
Games Workshop stole my childhood

I soon collected an whole army of Space marines
Badly painted, but conforming to official colour schemes
I’d line them all up with their transfers and banners
I had Land Raiders, Mole Mortars and Techmarines with spanners

Then they printed new rules in White Dwarf magazine
About a new character-model with weapon skill 14!
With one on your side you’d would win the game every time
And a blister pack would set you back a mere £16.99

So I went out the next day and I bought four of them
Then the rules changed again in a comprehensive compendium
Which I felt obliged to buy just to have it all complete
Then they released a new box-set which made everything obsolete

I'd do it all over again if I could
Games Workshop stole my childhood

I was ruthlessly ridiculed when the rumour went round that I was a roleplayer
The kids at school pretended to be cool, whereas I played the part of a troll-slayer
They soon discovered drugs and drinking, bragging about getting off their trolley
But the closest I ever got to getting high was inadvertently inhaling liquid polly

I had more experience points than all the Dwarven kings
But I never did any of the things that a kid should
Games Workshop stole my childhood

I thought 80s thrash metal was good for a while
And an unkempt pony-tail was the only hair style
I was truly convinced the ultimate career path
Would lead to working full-time as part of the Games Workshop staff

It was like an addiction that just wouldn’t go away
I’m still obsessed with lists and statistics to this day
I can argue for hours over the smallest things
Such as where the first millimetre on a tape-measure begins

When I was meant to be doing homework I was devising battle plans
Making scale models of hills instead of revising for exams
No-one ever said the pen was mightier than the modelling knife
This was not just a hobby: this was a whole way of life!

If only I had understood
Games Workshop stole my childhood

Squad coherency, line of sight
Goblin green, skull white
Double lascannon on a sponson
Mike McVey, Jervis Johnson!

Random encounter, standard bolt gun
Golden Demon, great unclean one
Cardboard chits, marauding Skaven
Shadows Over Bogenhaven!

Elven longbows, cannon crews
Foam rectangles, plastic sprues
Flock on bases, razor wire
Roll the dice, apply the modifier...

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