Jeremy came from Canterbury
He went off to university
Became a revolutionary
And changed his name to Vladimir

He started an argument every night
“Pacifism is morally right!”
It usually ended in a fight
Especially when he’d had a beer

He wrote the same essay for every course he took
He studied Marx and Engels – he even read a book!
On the way home from the pub he fought the class war
He stole traffic cones and gave them to the poor

Vladimir! He was born to lead
Vladimir! He sowed the seed - of violent insurrection
He came fourth in the student union election

He yearned to meet a real life Nazi
But everyone he knew was slightly arty
He said, “I’m going to start a radical party!”
The students came and he let ‘em in

He stood on a chair to spread the word
With a speech about Rosa Luxemburg
But the techno was banging so nobody heard
And soon they were fucked on ketamine

He shouted in people’s faces, to open up their eyes
He tried to wake the masses, to make the workers rise
But by the time that he’d got out of bed
The workers had all gone off to work instead

Vladimir! He was always pissed
Vladimir! For a socialist - he was remarkably anti-social
In the end he was destroyed by his own internal contradictions
He was last seen drunk outside the tube station in Brixton
He had a megaphone in one hand and in the other
He waved a huge hammer, and shouted:

"SMASH the system! SMASH the state!
SMASH the BNP, World Bank and G8!

SMASH the fat-cats! SMASH the rat-race!
SMASH free-market economics in the face!

SMASH the war! SMASH male oppression!
SMASH every trace of macho aggression!
And while you’re at it SMASH a copper with a brick!

SMASH anyone who tries to SMASH you!
SMASH everything you can possibly SMASH!
SMASH it again! And then to make sure, SMASH it once more!"