Stumbling through the high street, searching for a place to hide
I make a dash for Woolies to shelter from the rain outside
I find myself bewildered when I start to look around
It looks just like a pound shop - but things cost more than a pound

A vet dressing up kit from Animal Hospital
A home Mcflurry maker, Horse & Pony care annual
The game of Wok ‘n’ Roll and Michael Owen’s 'Socca-Sac’
A matching, three-piece, love-heart mobile phone accessory gift pack

Merchants of Mediocrity
The high-street equivalent of mid-day TV
Merchants of Mediocrity
This ain't therapeutic, it's retail lobotomy
It’s Woolworths, it’s Woolworths, my dear

At the back there were some tellies on promotional display
With sinister low-budget adverts on repeat all day
Demonstrating the uses of new types of kitchen knife
Highlighting the ways in which Tupperware will improve your life

An attractive terracotta garden thermometer
A ketchup bottle lava-lamp, self-guiding paint edger
Bargain Hunt the board game, fast-fit ironing-board cover
A twin-powered car polisher with random orbital buffer

Merchants of Mediocrity
Something here for everyone, but no-one particularly
Merchants of Mediocrity
Maybe it's a metaphor for democracy?
It’s Woolworths, it’s Woolworths, my dear

The Piano Sessions:
"Smooth jazz interpretations of today’s contemporary classics"
Ride Da Riddims II:
"43 blazin dancehall tunes"
Natural Woman:
"40 songs for the life you lead"
Electric Moods:
"An odyssey for the soul"

Stockists of monotony
On a last-minute christmas shopping spree
You can buy some crap for your stocking and tree
But apart from that I cannot quite see
The purpose of going to Woolworths