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really minds this, and the next day the training montage begins. The bandits build traps and teach the villagers how to use swords – but they soon realise they don’t have enough men. So Valeria and Zeno go off and rescue the exhausted men-folk from the Amazon camp.


Man vs Woman: an exciting sword fight

Whilst the bandits continue in their efforts to turn farmers into fighters, Zeno and Valeria hit it off which upsets Erno The Coward. He consequently hatches a pointless plan to tell the Amazon Queen about the bandits. He and his accomplices try sneaking off at night, but they’re spotted by a bandit taking a piss. The bandits gets his mates – one of whom was in the middle of performing a ‘love dance’ – and kills the traitors. Erno, however, gets away and goes to the queen who chucks a spear through him.

Then the queen and her witch-friend send an ineffectual Amazon assassin in a mime-mask to kill Zeno – which they dispatch with a ritualistic snog. The assassin then launches her attack in broad daylight and in full view of the whole village. The next thing to happen is a big fight whereupon it is proven that a week or so of training can indeed enable hapless peasants to defeat an army of seasoned warriors on horseback. Then again, the Amazons are only women. After the battle a whole cartload of hitherto-unmentioned children turn up and family life is resumed as normal.


The villagers look forward to a peaceful domestic life


“Amazons! The moon is here. It’s full! And invincible! But no more invincible than we of the great Amazon race. We have need of new males to fill our wombs, to do our bidding and, in the end, to kill!” - The Amazon queen giving a rousing speech to her troops

“I was out hunting alone one day when she attacked me. She wanted to capture me as a slave. We fought for some time when suddenly it turned into something else...”
- Zeno recounting how he met Veronia

“It’s not men we need, it’s male seed. The male species is the most inferior creature on Earth. That our very existence depends on them is an unfortunate reality.”
- The witch talking to the Amazon queen

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